Getting Ready for Kindergarten: What Should You Prepare? — Worries and Reality
Why this topic is on parents’ minds
As entry in April of next year comes into view, the “to-do list” in your head keeps growing.
- Will potty training be done in time?
- How much should my child be able to do on their own—eating, changing clothes?
- Can my child cope with group life?
- What if they cry and won’t let go in the morning?
- Should I teach them a little about letters and numbers too?
- And on the parents’ side, what should we be prepared for in the first place?
Looking at other moms’ social media and the experiences of moms who have been through it, your feelings swing between “they can already do everything” and “ours can’t do anything yet.” Research gives a surprisingly calm answer to this. “Hearts” over “things,” “direction” over “perfection,” and preparation not only for the “child” but for the “parents”—we will go through these three viewpoints in order.
The core of kindergarten preparation is not “things” but “transition”
In the research world, entry to kindergarten and school is called school transition. For the child, it is a big transition from the “home-centered world” until then to a world with “a group of peers + a new adult called the teacher.”
In a national survey that asked about 3,600 U.S. kindergarten teachers what difficulties newly entering children bring with them , the top items teachers named as “difficulties seen in more than half of children” were the following.
- Difficulty acting in line with group rules
- Difficulty listening to the teacher’s instructions and acting on them
- Difficulty taking care of their own things themselves
- Difficulty getting along with friends
On the other hand, what teachers answered “is hardly a problem” were academic skills such as “being able to read letters” and “being able to count.” In other words, the walls children face in the first few months after entry are concentrated not in learning, but in the areas of daily life and relationships.
The direction for kindergarten preparation that follows from this is simple. Rather than gathering things or getting ahead on letters and numbers, gradually nurture, within everyday life at home, small foundations in “daily life, language, and relationships with people.” This is the central line of preparation that has meaning according to research.
Preparation for daily life — “direction,” not “perfection”
From here, we go area by area. First, daily life—the part people worry about most.
Toileting
I think many people feel that diapers must be off by the time of entry. In reality, diapers do not need to be completely off at entry. Many kindergartens accept children on the assumption that toilet training will move forward together after entry.
What to keep in mind at home is not “being completely out of diapers,” but a direction like:
- Being able to convey the wish to go to the toilet in words or signs
- Little resistance to trying to sit on the toilet when invited
- Not panicking even after an accident
That much. Pushing with perfectionism wears out both parent and child. Deciding firmly that “partway is fine” makes sense both from research and in practice.
Eating
Eating by oneself with a spoon and fork, and having the experience of putting school lunch in one’s mouth even with some picky eating—this is the guide. It is no problem if the child cannot use chopsticks perfectly. At kindergarten, in many cases being able to use a spoon and fork is enough, and chopstick practice can proceed alongside kindergarten life.
What you can do at home is respect the rhythm of “eat when hungry, stop when full.” If you strengthen “practice eating everything” too much before entry, eating can actually become painful.
Dressing and getting ready
“Being able to change clothes completely alone” is not the goal. From research and kindergartens’ experience, things like:
- Having the attitude of trying to do it oneself
- Trying hard to the end even without knowing the order to put things on
- Being able to ask an adult for help when stuck
are what make a difference in life after entry. More than being able to do it perfectly, being able to do both “trying it oneself” and “asking for help” matters in group life.
Putting shoes on and taking them off
At kindergarten, children put on and take off their shoes many times a day. Environmental adjustments, such as choosing shoes with Velcro straps or sticking marks inside to show left and right, work better than “practice.” What can be solved with tools, solve with tools. This, too, is real preparation.
Preparation for language — “being able to put oneself into words”
In kindergarten life, language becomes even more important than daily-life skills. Rather than the size of vocabulary or accuracy of pronunciation, “being able to convey things about oneself in words” determines adjustment after entry.
Specifically, these three are the basics.
- Being able to say one’s own name (it does not have to be the full name)
- Being able to say “I want to go to the toilet,” “I want water,” “It hurts”
- Being able to say “I don’t want to” and “Stop it”
Being able to say the last ones, “I don’t want to” and “Stop it,” in particular is key to self-protection and preventing trouble in group life. When your child says “I don’t want to” at home, there are times it is hard for you as a parent, but if you shut down that expression of will out of hand, your child may become a child who cannot say “I don’t want to” to other children or teachers at kindergarten. If you see “I don’t want to” at home as practice for the power to protect oneself at kindergarten, the way you take it changes a little.
Preparation for social life — even a little experience of “having engaged with other children”
A longitudinal study of 125 children ages 5 to 6 who entered kindergarten in the United States, following whether friendships at entry (having friends, making new friends, being liked by other children) predicted adjustment to the class after entry (attitudes toward school, academic performance, loneliness) showed that children who already had the basic moves for making friends at entry adjusted more smoothly after entry (significant associations at the p<0.05 level on several measures).
The preparation before entry that follows from this is not “raising a child who can make friends,” but “having even a little experience of engaging with other children.” Specifically:
- Play in parks where other children are around
- Take part in programs at children’s halls or child-rearing support centers a few times a month
- Have chances to spend time with the children of relatives or friends
- If there are no siblings, engage with cousins or neighborhood children
There is no need to build perfect “friendships.” “Spending time in the same space as other children,” “doing something together,” “waiting one’s turn,” “lending and borrowing toys”—just having experience of these basic moves makes confusion after entry much smaller.
Waiting one’s turn can also be practiced at home. Everyday exchanges such as “When Mommy is done using this, it’s your turn” or “In the bath, Daddy goes first and then you” are real preparation.
Academics — no need to get ahead on letters and numbers
Here is one thing we want to emphasize.
Also, what a study in which Nobel laureate in economics Heckman and colleagues reanalyzed follow-up data from the U.S. Perry Preschool Program and analyzed the mechanisms of the long-term effects of early childhood intervention on adult socioeconomic outcomes shows is that what works in the long run is “non-cognitive skills (self-control, perseverance, social skills)” rather than “cognitive skills (IQ, academic ability)”. If you have the energy to make your child learn hiragana before entry, increasing chances for experiences such as “waiting,” “holding back,” “recovering by oneself,” and “engaging with friends” can be said to make more difference in your child’s life in the long run.
Preparation on the parents’ side — the part most easily overlooked
Up to here has been about the child. In fact, something rarely talked about in kindergarten preparation, but large both in research and in practice, is “preparation on the parents’ side.”
1. Physically check the drop-off and pickup route
The distance on a map and the distance actually walked with a stroller or at a child’s pace are completely different things. Before entry, try walking (or traveling) the route once with your child at the actual drop-off and pickup time. This alone makes a completely different amount of breathing room in the mornings after entry.
2. Write down as a couple “who does drop-off and pickup, on which day, at what time”
An agreement that exists only in your heads will almost certainly waver in the confusion after entry. Write down “who does drop-off and pickup on which day” on a calendar or spreadsheet. Also decide who responds first to pick up the child when they have a fever. This is powerful preparation that prevents friction between the couple after entry.
3. The courage to “not schedule anything” for the first few weeks
Right after entry, the child gets tired and night waking may come back, and the whole house is in a rush on unfamiliar mornings. For 2 to 4 weeks after entry, deliberately avoid evening plans, weekend outings, and big work crunches. Securing this margin makes a big difference to a soft landing for the whole family.
4. Have a backup plan for illness and fevers
In the first six months to 1 year after entry, children bring home a surprising number of illnesses. This is part of the immune system developing, and it is almost unavoidable.
- Registering in advance for sick-child care (municipal, attached to a hospital, private)
- Talking in advance with grandparents or someone you trust
- Which parent can adjust work, and how often
Talking these over before entry, rather than “thinking about it once the fever comes,” creates breathing room for the family after entry.
5. The parents’ own “separation preparation”
Something surprisingly big is the parents’ own swing of feelings. You thought “finally, I’ll have some time to myself,” but when you actually leave your crying child at the entrance ceremony and go home, you tear up yourself—this is a perfectly natural reaction. It is a feeling that arises precisely because attachment with your child has grown firmly, so just being prepared that “I may waver a little too” lets you be kinder to yourself after entry.
Emotional ups and downs after entry — they are expected
From here, a little about after entry. At the end of the talk about “preparation,” this is something we really want you to know.
In the weeks to months after entry, your child may show changes like these.
- Crying and not letting go when arriving at kindergarten in the morning (separation anxiety)
- Becoming much clingier at home
- Night waking coming back, having trouble falling asleep
- Loss of appetite, or the opposite, eating too much
- Reluctance to go to kindergarten (crying “I don’t want to go”)
Almost all of these are expected as reactions to adapting to a new environment. A study from the NICHD’s long-term follow-up that tested, with about 1,000 children, the relationship between the amount of child care and social-emotional adjustment during the transition to school also shows that temporary emotional ups and downs in the early period of entry to kindergarten and school are observed in many children, and that they stabilize within a few months, with calm acceptance at home and coordination with the kindergarten.
What to value at home is parents themselves knowing that “the ups and downs are not abnormal.” And:
- After coming home, more physical closeness than usual
- Putting feelings into words and accepting them: “You cried today, didn’t you? You did your best.”
- Deliberately adding more time for picture books and hugs before bed
- Even if the ups and downs continue for 2 to 3 months, not panicking and talking with the kindergarten
This level of readiness is enough.
How to build cooperation with the kindergarten
Finally, about the relationship with the kindergarten after entry. This, too, is part of “preparation.”
The contact notebook is “the start of a dialogue,” not “administrative messages”
If you write concretely, even just 2 to 3 lines, in the contact notebook about how your child is at home and what you are concerned about, the teacher’s replies also become concrete. “Yesterday, she sang a song from kindergarten in the bath.” “Lately, he’s been fussing more in the morning.”—small shares like these become the foundation of trust.
Don’t spare the 30-second conversation at drop-off and pickup
The 30 seconds to 1 minute of seeing the teacher at morning and evening drop-off and pickup is a valuable chance to communicate. Make it a habit to add one more remark to your greetings of “Good morning” and “Thank you.” “This morning, he did his best on the toilet.” “Yesterday, she said a friend’s name for the first time.”—just this lets the teacher grasp the situation at home in more depth.
When troubled, consult “early and small”
When something is bothering you, sharing it while it is still a small sense that something is off, rather than consulting after it has become a big problem, makes it easier for both sides to act. “Lately he’s been like this, and it’s bothering me a little”—it’s just right to talk to the teacher with about that much lightness.
My child starts kindergarten next spring, but potty training isn’t perfect yet, and changing clothes alone is still shaky, so I’m worried whether we’ll make it in time… I should teach hiragana too, right?
First, hiragana is fine. In the U.S. survey by Rimm-Kaufman and colleagues, which asked about 3,600 kindergarten teachers about the difficulties of newly entering children, mastery of letters and numbers was answered as “hardly a problem.” The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology’s “qualities we hope children will have developed by the end of early childhood” also doesn’t set reading and writing letters as a goal.
Then what matters?
What the teachers said they “feel are difficulties” were following group rules, listening to instructions, trying to take care of one’s own things, and engaging with friends—in other words, the areas of daily life and relationships. Toileting and changing clothes don’t have to be perfect. “Trying to do it oneself” and “being able to ask for help when stuck”—as long as that direction is there, you can develop them together with the kindergarten.
Even if potty training really isn’t done in time?
Many kindergartens assume they’ll move it forward together after entry. At home, a direction like “being able to convey the wish to go to the toilet in words,” “trying to sit when invited,” and “not panicking after an accident” is enough. Pushing with perfectionism only wears out parent and child, and things getting tense before entry is actually counterproductive.
If you are actually going to do it, how should you go about it?
Based on research, here is what you can do in the months before entry.
1. Have a “direction” rather than a “list”
If you try to fill in a kindergarten preparation checklist perfectly, you will surely wear out somewhere. Deciding that “preparing things is kept to a minimum, and energy goes to emotional preparation” makes sense according to research too.
2. Weave “small experiences” of daily life, language, and social life into everyday life
- In the morning, try putting on shoes by oneself (don’t hold back on helping)
- At meals, say “itadakimasu” (said before eating) and “gochisōsama” (said after eating) by oneself
- At the park, try saying “Can I borrow it?” and “Thank you”
- In the bath, ask “What did you play today?” and have the child answer in words
They don’t have to be done perfectly. Whether there is “experience of having tried it” is what matters.
3. Letters and numbers: “come into contact with” rather than “teach”
Reading picture books aloud, counting from 1 to 10 in the bath, looking at the letters on signs together—natural contact within everyday life at about this level is enough. Drill-style getting ahead has few benefits according to research, and can actually wear away the child’s “joy of learning.”
4. Make a list of preparation on the parents’ side
Not only about the child—make a preparation list for the parents.
- Actually traveling the drop-off and pickup route
- A table of how the couple divides drop-off and pickup
- Registering in advance for sick-child care
- A declaration of no plans for 4 weeks after entry
- Being prepared that it’s OK for you yourself to cry
This list is more directly connected to the family’s breathing room after entry.
5. Keep an “expected list” for after entry
Separation anxiety, reluctance to go to kindergarten, night waking coming back, more clinginess—be in a state where, when these happen, you can think “here it comes.” Don’t panic, don’t blame, share early and small with the kindergarten. “If you can predict it, you won’t be swallowed up by the ups and downs”—this is the greatest benefit of emotional preparation.
Closing dialogue — from “a parent who prepares” to “a parent who watches over”
Listening to you, I realized I had assumed that getting ready for kindergarten meant making my child “do” things.
I’m glad you feel that way. When you organize the research, what predicts adjustment after entry is not what the child can do at entry, but whether home and kindergarten can raise the child together. Preparing things is important too, but emotional preparation has a much longer-lasting effect.
So I don’t need to rush potty training or hiragana.
Rather than rushing and cramming, nurture small seeds within everyday life: “trying it oneself,” “asking for help when stuck,” “being able to say no.” That’s enough. In fact, spending time on preparation on the parents’ side—the drop-off and pickup route, how the couple divides things, keeping the schedule clear after entry—leads to more breathing room for the family after entry.
If my child cries after entry, or the night waking comes back, I think I’ll feel it’s because I didn’t prepare enough.
That, too, is an “expected” reaction that almost everyone experiences. Research, including the NICHD follow-up study, shows that emotional ups and downs in the early period of entry to kindergarten and school are observed in many children, and that they stabilize within a few months with calm acceptance at home and coordination with the kindergarten. Your child is having ups and downs precisely because they have a secure base at home.
So rather than “a parent who prepares,” I can be “a parent who watches over.”
Exactly. Entering kindergarten is a child’s first big step into “the world outside the home.” The parent’s role is not to arrange that step perfectly, but to remain a “secure base” the child can come back to even when they waver. Without rushing, being a parent who watches over is more than enough.
Research details
Primary sourcesStudy design: Longitudinal observational study (followed from entry to kindergarten through the end of the school year)
Participants: 125 children ages 5 to 6 who entered kindergarten in the United States. Measured at two points: at entry (fall) and at the end of the school year (spring)
Main results: • Children who already had friends at entry had more positive attitudes toward school after entry (p<0.05) • Children who were able to make new friends after entry improved in academic performance (p<0.05) • Children who were liked by other children felt less lonely and adjusted well to school • Each of the three aspects of friendship (having, making, being liked) independently predicted adjustment after entry
Limitations: Because this is a U.S. study, caution is needed in generalizing directly to the culture of Japanese kindergartens and daycare centers. The sample size is moderate, and because the participants are from a single region, representativeness is limited.
Study design: Nationwide questionnaire survey
Participants: About 3,600 kindergarten teachers in the United States (a nationally representative sample)
Main results: • What teachers most often named as “difficulties seen in more than half of children” were “difficulty acting in line with group rules” and “difficulty listening to instructions and acting on them” • Independence in taking care of one’s own things and engaging with friends also ranked high • Many teachers answered that mastery of letters and numbers is “hardly a problem” • The difficulties were concentrated not in academic areas but in daily-life and social areas
Limitations: Because it is based on teachers’ subjective assessments, it may differ from the objective frequency of difficulties. The survey assumes the U.S. system.
Study design: Longitudinal observational study (NICHD Study of Early Child Care)
Participants: About 1,000 children at 10 sites in the United States. Social-emotional adjustment around the time of entry to kindergarten was assessed from many angles
Main results: • During the transition to kindergarten and school, temporary emotional ups and downs (separation anxiety, restlessness) are observed in many children • The quality of parenting at home and the stability of the mother-child relationship strongly predict adjustment during the transition • Time in child care itself has a limited effect on social-emotional adjustment during the transition • When coordination between kindergarten and home is stable, the ups and downs tend to settle within a few months
Limitations: Because this is a U.S. study, caution is needed in generalizing to Japan’s entry system and culture. Because it is an observational study, unmeasured family factors may still have an influence.
Study design: A reanalysis of long-term follow-up data from the Perry Preschool Program (a randomized experiment)
Participants: Data following a total of 123 participants and control group members of the Perry Preschool Program, carried out in Michigan in the United States in the 1960s, into adulthood (around age 40)
Main results: • The long-term effects of early childhood intervention are explained not through improvements in cognitive skills such as IQ, but through improvements in non-cognitive skills (self-control, perseverance, social skills) • Improvements in self-control and social behavior contributed strongly to improvements in adult income, employment, and crime rates • “A foundation for growing as a person,” rather than “getting ahead in learning,” predicts long-term outcomes
Limitations: Perry was an intensive intervention for children from low-income families, so caution is needed in applying it to families in general. Because it is a long-term follow-up study with a small sample size, uncertainty remains in estimating effect sizes.
Official document: Issued in March 2017 as Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology Notice No. 62, in effect from April 2018
Content: As “qualities we hope children will have developed by the end of early childhood (the 10 qualities),” it organizes the qualities and abilities to be nurtured before school. It clearly lists 10 items: “a healthy mind and body,” “independence,” “cooperation,” “the beginnings of morality and a sense of norms,” “connection with social life,” “the beginnings of thinking skills,” “engagement with nature and respect for life,” “interest in and a sense of quantities and shapes, signs and letters, and so on,” “communicating through words,” and “rich sensitivity and expression.”
Significance: It does not set reading and writing letters and numbers as goals, but centers on independence in daily life, relationships with people, and communicating through words. It states clearly, as a national system, that preparation before school is not “getting ahead in reading, writing, and arithmetic.”
Official document: A white paper published in 1998 by the Ministry of Health and Welfare (as it was then)
Content: In Part 1, Chapter 2, it clearly states that the so-called “three-year-old myth” (the idea that the mother should raise the child at home until age 3) “has no rational basis.”
Significance: In the context of kindergarten preparation, it is a document showing that, in response to parents’ guilt about “Is it OK to have my child start at 3?” or “Shouldn’t I look after them at home longer?”, the Japanese government itself stated “no basis” a quarter of a century ago. Research has found no basis that either choice—a dual-income family or a family with a full-time parent at home—hinders children’s development.
Revision history
- First published
- Reorganized to focus on kindergarten, as daycare preparation was moved to a separate article